Eyes Wide Shut | St. Simons Island Wedding Planner





With today’s divorce rate sky rocketing, many couples are making serious mistakes when choosing someone to spend the rest of their life with.  Below are ways to avoid being part of the divorce rate. 


1. Don’t choose a partner and expect them to change after you’re married.

Wow, that’s a good one!  Never marry potential.  If you are not happy with the person the way they are right now, then don’t marry them and expect them to be different later on.  If you are noticing the other person’s character, personal hygiene, personal habits, spirituality, and communication skills, just make sure you are comfortable with them.


2. Don’t choose a partner because of the chemistry between you.  Rather, focus on the character of the person.

Chemistry will get the fire started, but character is what keeps the fire burning.  I’m in love often means, I’m in lust.  The attraction is there, but make sure you know the person’s character.

Check for these character traits:

Humility: Do they believe that doing the right thing is more important than personal comfort?

Kindness: Do they enjoy giving pleasure to others?  How do they treat people they don’t have to be nice to? Do they do volunteer work? Do they give charity?

Responsibility: Can you depend on them to do what they say they are going to do?

Happiness: Do they like themselves? Do they enjoy life? Are they emotionally stable?

Be sure and ask yourself: Do I want to be more like them? Do I want to have a child with them? Would I like my child to turn out like them?


3. Don’t choose a partner that does not understand your emotional needs.

Men and women have different emotional needs and the unique need of a woman is to be loved…to feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life.  She needs consistent, quality attention in order for her emotional needs to be met.  Men are generally goal-oriented and if he can become more experience oriented, he can make his wife very happy.


4. Don’t choose a partner that you do not share common life goals and priorities.

We connect with others by:

  • chemistry and compatibility
  • sharing of the same interests
  • sharing of the same life goals

Sharing life goals with someone gives us a much deeper level of connection with them.  After you get married, you will either grow together or grow apart.  You must figure out what you are living for, while you are still single…then find that special someone that is living for the same reasons.

A true definition of a soul mate is someone that shares with us the same life purpose, priorities, values, and goals.


5. Don’t choose a partner because you became intimately involved too quickly.

If you are intimate early on in a relationship, it can cloud your mind and make it difficult to make good decisions in regard to your relationship.

Spend time making sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, as physically compatible is almost never cited in a divorce as the main reason for the break up.


6. Don’t choose a partner that you do not feel a deep emotional connection to.

Do you respect and admire this person?  Don’t think of this as being impressed by this person.  We may be impressed with the car they drive, but we should rather be impressed with their quality of creativity, loyalty, and determination.

Do you trust this person?  Can you depend on them?


7. Don’t choose a partner that you do not feel emotionally safe with.

Do you feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Are you free to be yourself?  Does this person make you feel good about yourself? If you have a close friend that makes you feel this way, make sure the person you marry makes you feel just as good.

Think about whether you are possibly afraid of this person in any way.  Do you feel that you have to monitor what you say because your partner will view it differently?  If you’re afraid to say how you feel and express your opinions, there is definitely a problem in your relationship.

Do you sometimes feel the other person is trying to control you?  This is the sign of an abusive person.  Controlling someone and making suggestions are entirely different from each other.  Making a suggestion to someone, is made for your benefit, whereas a controlling statement is made for their benefit.


8. Don’t choose a partner that you have not put everything on the table with, or vice versa.

If you are bothered by anything in your relationship, you need to bring it up to be discussed.  Uncomfortable subjects may be difficult to bring up, but it is the only way to know if you communicate and negotiate well together.  You should know before your commitment to each other if you can resolve your differences and make compromises that will work for both of you.

You should never be afraid to tell your partner what is bothering you.  Are you vulnerable with this person?  Vulnerability leads to intimacy together.


9. Don’t choose a partner because you need to escape from other personal problems or unhappiness.

If you are unhappy with your life as it is now, then you will also be unhappy when you are married.  Getting married does not fix personal, psychological, and emotional problems….It makes them worse.

Take the responsibility to fix the areas of your life that are making you unhappy before you take on a marriage.  You’ll be glad you did.


10. Don’t choose a partner that is involved with someone else, whether it’s by a marriage or other emotional relationship and has not separated from this.

If a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship or hasn’t separated from their current relationship, you are only asking for heartache.  Some people can also be tied up with things such as work, drugs, internet, hobbies, sports, or money.

Be careful that you have not chosen a partner with these obstacles in their life.  This person cannot be fully emotionally available to you and it stands to reason that you will not be their number one priority.


2 thoughts on “Eyes Wide Shut | St. Simons Island Wedding Planner

  1. Thank you for posting these thoughts, Carla. It took me three times, but I finally got through reading your whole post. I’m glad that Christa and I weren’t the only ones tearing up during the ceremony.

    You did such a great job with everything, especially the sand ceremony. I can’t imagine a more perfect wedding and we have no regrets on anything.

    Thank you again for all of your help and we will definitely recommend you at anyone we know…..

    Gerald and Christa Ingle (like the sound of that!)

  2. Thank you, Gerald and Christa. Your comment was actually left on a different blog I wrote called, ‘Eyes Wide Shut’, but I knew where you meant for your comment to be posted….. so no worries. The blog name is ‘Shower The People You Love With Love’ and it’s all about you and your family.

    Your ceremony was one of the most memorable ones I’ve performed to date! You are both very special to me and I wish you so much love and happiness for a lifetime together.


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